Tuesday, August 23, 2005

An Investigation into the Effects of Masterbation on the Muscle Cell Density of a Male Homo Sapien

The following photograph shows the results of an experiment undertaken on 'X' by 'Professor Y'. Medical research was carried out to investigate the effects of masterbation on both muscle size and proportion. (Some guy over at thestudentforums.co.uk posted this picture after someone suggested that wanking was a good way of building muscle.)

Equipment
Specimen, Pornographic Material, Television Screen, Stopwatch, Respirometer, Ruler, Calligraphy Pen, Rubber Gloves.

Method
The specimen was led into the laboratory The television screen was turned on. The respirometer was attached to the specimen to monitor breathing levels during the experiment. The stopwatch was started. The specimen commenced self gratification. The specimen was left to masterbate for around ten minutes. Over a period of eighteen months, the experiment was repeated on a daily basis.

In order to keep the test as fair as possible the had been blindfolded prior to entering the room in order to prevent premature arousal. The time for masturbation was kept as a constant factor. The factor which was varied was the producer of pornography varying from "Devon Does Dallas" to "Lesbian Babes 23". This avoided possible bordom on the specimen's part after frequent repeat performances of material. This had the potential to affect results

Results
The results as you can see are quite remarkable; a rapid growth of the forearm muscles as well as the bicep, tricep and brachiallis muscles in the right arm. The neglected left arm shows negligible development.

Conclusions
The results highlight the unseen dangers of masturbation, that the government has failed to inform its citizens of. Specimen 'X' has had to endure endless mocking due to his disproportionate frame. I believe it is duty of our democratically elected government to warn its population about the risks of havin' a crafty bish...
The experiment did incur several grounds for error; one of the major issues is penis size, high levels of girth would enforce a wider grip on the fallice therefore increasing the size of the forearm muscle. Masterbation rate and style would also give erroneous results; specimens with faster rates increase the aerobic respiration rate of the specimen, whereas a specimen with a slower rate would increase the amount of anaerobic respiration taking place in the forearm muscles, therefore increasing the workout and size of the tonic muscles in the forarm.

In order to improve results a wider variety of pornography would be shown to specimens as well as increasing the amount of specimens involved in the investigation. Another train of thought is to investigate the effects of masturbation on the muscle cell density of a female homo sapien. (Early predictions for such an experiment would produce increased size of the dorsal interosseos and flexor digi muscles located in the hands and along the fingers) Further investigations therefore would lead to a more decisive conclusion.

R.J.W.P.T. 2005 (Professor)

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